It all started very
early one day – 2 am on 18 May 2009, to be precise. Rhea, our three-year-old
daughter, who used to sleep between my wife and me had sat up on the bed and
started crying. If you have a kid, you know how scary these things look when
they cry in the dark.
A three-year-old Rhea
crying in bed at 2 am in the night was scary. The fact that I could feel thick
blood on the bed sheet was scarier. Rushes of the movie Evil Dead appeared
before my eyes.
As I peered through the
darkness to get a better glimpse of my daughter’s crying face, I noticed that
my wife was also trying to do the same.
“Why is she crying? Did
you kick her in your sleep?” My wife asked nonchalantly.
Before I could answer,
she turned towards my three-year-old daughter and shouted: “Shut up, Rhea!”
“No, I didn’t do
anything! I can feel blood on the bed sheet.”
At this Rekha jumped out
of the bed at the speed which only a concerned mother can achieve, switched on
the lights (and by mistake switched off the fan, which angered me …but more on
that later) and stared at the bed sheet for a full five seconds.
I was still gathering my
wits. If you are a man, you do understand that being the breadwinner isn’t an
easy job. I mean, being a home maker my wife does a lot of work …but gossip,
politics, backbiting, slandering, and meddling in office can also be extremely
tiring. It isn’t without reason that corporates have five-day weeks and home
makers have to work on all seven days.
“And this is blood? You
almost gave me a heart attack!”
If there is one thing I
hate about my wife, it is the fact that she keeps giving false hopes. “Heart
attack, my foot,” I whispered to myself. She was going to be alive a very long
time and my dreams of marrying a bewitching, young siren was going to be on my
wish list forever.
“Looks like she wet the
bed.” I offered a reconciliatory statement.
After saying this, I had
a little bit of a doubt. As a kid I used to be a famed bed-wetter. So much so,
my nickname in the neighborhood was “LAP” – Little Adorable Pisser. Was this
bed wet because of me? I looked down and my shorts was indeed wet at the right
place but it could have also been because I was lying in the pool created by
Rhea. As a child, wetting the bed is bad but as an adult, wetting a child’s bed
and putting the blame on her is worse.
My wife broke my
thoughts with her: “Yes, that’s more like it.” Now nothing could be changed…the
jury had spoken. The culprit was indeed Rhea.
By now, Rhea had stopped
crying and was tugging at her shorts. Nobody likes their shorts to be wet,
especially when it is 2 am and your parents are staring you down.
For a moment I thanked
my stars for not falling for the beautiful sales girl’s pitch at Home Center
and buying the electric blanket. If I had, by now the three of us would have
been history – the alkaline piss and the electric blanket would have been a fatal
combination.
“Rhea, you are now a big
girl. You shouldn’t be wetting the bed,” Rekha said.
“Amma, I am sorry, I
won’t do it again.”
“You better not,” Rekha
can be very persistent when required.
Being her daughter, Rhea
is also no less. She asked: “Amma, from tomorrow can I sleep with my grandma?”
I knew how Rhea’s mind
was working. Now the question was, will my wife be able to spot how the little
devil’s sharp mind was on overdrive. Alas, nobody escapes my wife.
She replied: “If you
think you can pin your piss on her, forget about it!”
It took me a bit of time
to gather the courage to say: “That’s alright, Rekha.”
I was waiting for Rekha
to stare at me with those pointy eyes which can burn a hole in anybody. Luckily,
that wasn’t the case. Rekha was busy getting Rhea change into a new set of
clothes. After which, she started replacing the bedsheet with a fresh set.
As I watched her in
action, I wondered for how long I will be able to keep it a secret that I used
to wet the bed till I was in fifth standard – yes, till I was 11 years old.
Maybe not for long, but I was going to give it my best shot.
With time I have
realized the bed-wetting is a bit like falling in love. It starts off with a
nice dream and in the dream you are in this nice place. Once you start peeing,
it is nice, warm and feels good…but with time it becomes cold and messy. You
want to get out of the mess but can’t because it requires a lot of effort so
you just lie there for it to be morning.
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